- Help them make a list of pros and cons of giving up driving. Some pros include saving money spent on insurance, maintenance, and gas.
- Some books about broaching difficult topics with elders suggest you try giving up your own car for a few days before having this conversation. This somewhat extreme suggestion can help you become truly compassionate about the issue and also better inform you about other transportation options available in your area.
- After your initial discussion of driving, set up another time to talk after you and your relative have had more time to think about solutions to problems posed and other transportation options. Unless their driving is posing a significant threat to themselves and others, set minimal preliminary limits to their driving such as staying close to home or not driving past dark. Talk about more long-term restrictions during your next discussion.
- Be sure that from the beginning you make it clear you have the person’s best interests at heart by being compassionate and preventing this conversation from becoming a battle.
- Use “reflective listening” to support your loved one by rephrasing their own concerns to encourage thinking about how obstacles can be overcome. For example, you might say “I know it will be harder to get to your weekly lunches with friends in town. Let’s figure out how we can make sure you don’t miss out on these.”
- Allow plenty of time for this conversation and allow your loved one to reflect on memories they have about driving such as how they bought their first car or road trips they took with family. To show your support, ask to see pictures or hear more about these memories.
Driving is a privilege and freedom which most people do not want to let go of, especially as they age. When it becomes necessary to have a discussion about giving up driving with a loved one, it is important yet difficult to approach the subject carefully to avoid family conflict. These types of discussions should be approached with realistic understandings that change will most likely be resisted and will not come immediately. Think of your broaching the subject as a preliminary discussion which will lead to more consideration of the issue and somewhat gradual change.
Over the next few weeks, we will be publishing some tips here on this blog about how to begin the conversation about the topic that all families dread: Is it time to take my parent’s car keys away?
Question: Should I let the person I have designated as my personal representative know about my estate plan?
Answer: Your personal representative—referred to as an executor in some states—is the person responsible for carrying out the provisions of your will. That person could be a reliable family member, but can also be a trust officer, attorney, or even a trusted friend. It is often advisable to at least let the individual or entity know that you have chosen them and confirm they are willing to serve in that role. You should know that there are eligibility requirements for personal representatives under Florida law. For example, those who have a felony conviction, as well as non-Florida residents who are not related to the deceased, cannot qualify as a personal representative. Whether you walk that person through the details of your will is a personal decision—you certainly have the right to keep it private. Although, it can sometimes be helpful to at least discuss some practical matters relating to your estate, such as who to contact upon your passing, how to pay for basic expenses like funeral costs and taxes, and what your funeral and burial wishes are. The paperwork a family and personal representative may have to deal with regarding a deceased loved one’s estate plan can be overwhelming if they do not know who to go to for help. The attorneys at Bach & Jacobs can advise you about the eligibility of your preferred personal representative. Call Bach & Jacobs, P.A. to schedule an appointment to review your estate plan.
Question: Our father is in a nursing home, but we would like to bring him home on Thanksgiving and Christmas day so we can all be at the table together. Will that disqualify him for Medicare coverage?
Answer: Under Medicare law, a resident at a skilled nursing facility can leave the nursing home for a day or two to enjoy the holidays with family and friends without losing Medicare coverage. This fall with Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas and New Year there are lots of opportunities for seniors in nursing homes to re-connect with family and friends. You can help facilitate those family gatherings without worrying that your father will lose Medicare coverage if he leaves the facility to participate. The Medicare Benefit Policy Manual states that “an outside pass or short leave of absence,” such as attending a special religious service, holiday meal, or other family vacation is “not, by itself evidence that the individual no longer needs to be in a [skilled nursing facility].” However, you should be aware that the nursing home can charge you for a bed-hold payment under some circumstances. If you have questions about arranging for your loved one’s care and qualifying for public benefits like Medicaid, Medicare, and Veterans Benefits, contact Babette B. Bach, a Board Certified Elder Law Attorney and elder law expert.
Question: How do I talk to my family about my estate plan? We’ll all be together this year for the holidays and I thought now would be a good time.
Answer: Talking to your family and beneficiaries may be one of the most important parts of managing your estate before you die. Whether to let them know about the content of your will and the distribution plan for your assets is up to you. Open communication may help allay anxieties and allow for an honest conversation. If you are comfortable with full disclosure, some clients allow their children or close family members to read their will or even hand out copies for them to keep. You may want to keep the extent of your estate private, but simply let them know that you’ve taken the steps to plan for this inevitability. It is helpful to let your family know who your estate planning attorney is so they know where to find your documents. We recommend you review your existing estate plan whenever there is a major change in your life, such as illness, death of a family member, major financial changes and disability of a family member. But the conversation can be emotionally charged and it is understandable that some people because of family dynamics would prefer to avoid it during their lifetime. The New York Times published an article earlier this year about how to broach the topic of estate plans with a parent, which can be found by clicking here.
